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December 9, 2013
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The Hyena Queen - Conceptual Comic II by Anatoliba The Hyena Queen - Conceptual Comic II by Anatoliba

Page 2 of the conceptual comic.

Previous page: The Hyena Queen - Conceptual Comic I by Anatoliba

Next page: The Hyena Queen - Conceptual Comic III by Anatoliba

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:iconkillslay-steelclaw:
Killslay-steelclaw Dec 10, 2013  Professional General Artist
oh, and our english phrase is "how dare you..." not "how do you dare..." 
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:iconkillslay-steelclaw:
Killslay-steelclaw Dec 10, 2013  Professional General Artist
i saw you wanted people to point to mistakes in the English on a previous page, so i thought i would help :)

where it says"how do you dare show up here?" the sentence doesn't quite flow properly. it would read more easily as "how do you dare to show up here" or "how do you dare showing up here". 

where it is "so i suggest that you leave the place"the word "the" should be "this" so the sentence should read "so i suggest that you leave this place". 

where it is "and what are you doing if i won't leave" should read "and what will you do if i won't leave" to flow better in english. 

Where the sentence is "get lost and don't dare get in the way of us any longer or else i can't guarantee anything!" it also doesn't quite flow properly. Maybe try "get lost and don't you dare get in the way of us any longer or i cant guarantee anything!". also, i assume that it is a threat that  they cannot guarantee they won't fight or attack, or harm, the other hyenas if they don't back down? perhaps you could try "I can't guarantee you won't get hurt" instead. just a thought :) 

hope this helps. I am a native English speaker so if you need any more help just ask :) 

overall, i completely understood everything, its just that some of the sentences needed to flow more. 

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:iconanatoliba:
Thank you very much! Of course, it helped a lot! I changed it now. :)
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:iconwoodswallow:
Woodswallow Dec 9, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Tehee, wie die wegrennen am Schluß :lol: Die Ausdrücke sind toll geworden, so voller Leben! Wie schön endlich was von deinem Comic zu sehen :la:
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:iconanatoliba:
Ist aber bisher nur eine Art "Konzept". Diese Szene schwirrte unerbittlich in vielen Bildern in meinem Kopf herum, so dass ich das mal als Comic versucht habe. Und der Gedanke, die Geschichte komplett als Comic darzustellen, rückt einer tatsächlichen Umsetzung immer näher, denn dieser Gedanke lässt mich einfach nicht los!
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:iconwoodswallow:
Woodswallow Dec 10, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Das wäre so unglaublich gut! Ich find auch, der muss nichtmal coloriert sein...wenn die Charactere gut designed sind, erkennt man die auch ohne Farben :)
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:iconanatoliba:
Ein colorierter Comic wäre unvorstellbar, das würde ich nicht schaffen und ich würde mir dann nur viel zu viel Druck machen und dabei die Lust verlieren. Nein, der Comic würde so aussehen wie dieser hier mit dem "Alte Papier"-Hintergrund.
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:iconwoodswallow:
Woodswallow Dec 10, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Find ich perfekt. So gehen auch keine Detail bei den Gesichtsausdrücken verloren.
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